I haven’t read Women Who Run With Wolves before so these ideas are new to me. I went to the library yesterday and got a copy of the book. Last night before I went to bed I read a lot of Chapter 9. I picked up the book at breakfast time this morning and continued reading. I was quite a few pages in when I realised I was actually reading Chapter 10. Estes ideas in this chapter resonated with me so much I just had to keep reading. This has all bought up a lot of stuff which I need to express. I hope this is right place to do it.
Sitting in solitude by Hestia’s Hearth I realise my own creative fire is not burning right. It flares up now and then with spurts of energy in response to creativity prompts I find on line but, at its heart, the fire burns low. Something is smothering it I know.
On reading Chapter 10 of WWRWW titled ‘Clear Water: Nourishing the Creative Life’ I feel like one of the women Estes describes. Although I can respond creatively to other people’s prompts I have long term creative projects of my own mouldering in drawers. There is a children’s picture book which only requires a little tinkering with the layout and three colour illustrations before it is ready to be submitted as an unsolicited manuscript to a publisher. I’ve been trying to finish it for months. Hidden even deeper still is the young adult novel I’m half way through. I have mapped out the bare bones of the rest but will not allow myself to enter the writing trance I need to be in to write it. Whenever I feel the characters re-surfacing I push them back into their dark cupboard and get busy doing the dishes, digging the vegie garden, watching TV, anything at all that takes me back into the busy external world. I believe in both of my projects but I just can’t seem to finish them. Like the women Estes writes of I’m too tired. The fact that I can’t finish these projects really upsets me. It feels like a dark, deep and very bad secret. Confessing all this here is liberating.
Reading Ch. 10 of WWRWW I begin to see what it is that blocks me. I need to cleanse my creative river and renew my creative fire. I begin to understand that this is what I have I have come to Hestia’s Hearth to do. It is the place where I am resting, rocking and regaining focus (to re-phrase Estes). It is the place where I come to reclaim ‘the Wild Woman of the psyche who will hurl new life’ (WWRWW, p. 126) into my heart fire.