Not having run with wolves before…

I haven’t read Women Who Run With Wolves before so these ideas are new to me.  I went to the library yesterday and got a copy of the book.  Last night before I went to bed I read a  lot of Chapter 9.  I picked up the book at breakfast time this morning and continued reading. I was quite a few pages in when I realised I was actually reading Chapter 10.  Estes ideas in this chapter resonated with me so much I just had to keep reading.  This has all bought up a lot of stuff which I need to express.  I hope this is right place to do it.

Sitting in solitude by Hestia’s Hearth I realise my own creative fire is not burning right.  It flares up now and then with spurts of energy in response to creativity prompts I find on line but, at its heart, the fire burns low.  Something is smothering it I know.

On reading Chapter 10 of WWRWW titled   ‘Clear Water: Nourishing the Creative Life’ I feel like one of the women Estes describes.  Although I can respond creatively to other people’s prompts I have long term creative projects of my own mouldering in drawers.  There is a children’s picture book  which only requires a little tinkering with the layout and three colour illustrations before it is ready to be submitted as an unsolicited manuscript to a publisher.  I’ve been trying to finish it for months.  Hidden even deeper still is the young adult novel I’m half way through.  I have mapped out the bare bones of the rest but will not allow myself to enter the writing trance I need to be in to write it.  Whenever I feel the characters re-surfacing I push them back into their dark cupboard and get busy doing the dishes, digging the vegie garden, watching TV, anything at all that takes me back into the busy external world.  I believe in both of my projects but I just can’t seem to finish them.  Like the women Estes writes of  I’m too tired.  The fact that I can’t finish these projects really upsets me. It feels like a dark, deep and very bad secret.  Confessing all this here is liberating.

Reading Ch. 10 of WWRWW I begin to see what it is that blocks me.  I need to cleanse my creative river and renew my creative fire.  I begin to understand that this is what I have I have come to Hestia’s Hearth to do.  It is the place where I am resting, rocking and regaining focus (to re-phrase Estes).  It is the place where I come to reclaim ‘the Wild Woman of the psyche who will hurl new life’ (WWRWW, p. 126) into my heart fire.

A page from my Hestia's Hearth journal

A page from my Hestia's Hearth journal

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6 responses

  1. 🙂 WWRWW is full of bits that resonate. My copy, which as I have said, has a permanent place on my bedside table, is heavily marked. Time and again I have noted that Lemuria provides the kind of space to do this that or the other. Hestia’s Hearth is less allegorical than Lemuria and provides the perfect space to pull out those projects and finish them. But like you I have projects which need to be completed. Like you I allow myself to be distracted. This space may just change all of this.

  2. your post could have been written by me – i am a mistress of distraction in terms of allowing almost anything to get in the way of creating. Thank you for stepping out … i am hanging on your coat-tails 😉

  3. Thank you for putting into words what I have not. And look what you did at the end of your post. You created a beautious journal page. I have been moved and prompted by your post. I just finished TWO projects! Please know that although you may find it difficult to create at times, you are actually creating inspiration to others.

  4. Thanks for all this positive feedback. It’s good to know I’m not alone with this problem. After posting I actually made the supreme effort, tidied my studio and fished the children’s book out of the cupboard. Estes says when you are stuck on a project ‘throw down three hairs’ or get rid of three ideas. I figured confessing the block was one hair throw. I then went over what I had done, organised the project and got rid of a lot of fluff. I was amazed to discover I was much further along than I thought and can actually visualise getting it all together and off to the publisher in a month or so. I’ll keep you posted.

    The novel still moulders tho – there are just too many dishes I have to do etc.

  5. The colors in your journal are vibrant, and your words express what we all go through at times.

  6. This is wonderful. I too am reading WWRWTW for the first time…even though I have long had to tuck my tail up under my skirts…
    I love the image of cleaning out your creative river…it brings up alot of things here w me…thank you…

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