Now I Get It!

I made a “Power Shield” more than 20 years ago while studying LakotaSioux spirituality. It was an incredible process that began with a green branch of willow. It took two weekends to complete.

Power Shield


Sadly, my shield was put away from prying eyes in the back of the cupboard and eventually forgotten. But it spoke to me as I was reading  Chapter 9 of “Women Who Run With The Wolves” while waiting in the school parking lot today.

I raced up the stairs to the cupboard the moment I returnjed home. Unexpectedly, I quite anxious to spend time with it. The paint had faded a tad and my inner editor whispered to me “You should have outlined the seal to make it stand out more.” I excused that voice from the room, hung the shield on the back of my bedroom door, and studied it.

Oh my God! I suddenly understood so much more about the symbols that came to me during a meditation done at the beginning of shield construction. I didn’t question the presence of the symbols but one in particular puzzled me.

My father’s blood runs through my soul and so does his love of the ocean. We had a cabin cruiser that Dad had built from the hull and Monterey was where our boat was birthed during the week. Like the full moon, the tides were faithful as was the rocking of the boat and the abundance of the sea life. my well-being requires an ocean fix several times a year. Just walking along the sand at the water’s edge is life changing for me. It’s like the sound of the waves upon the breeze blows the stink off of me.

My ties to Grandmother Moon began when I reached puberty. She lit my path during those dark times of adolescence. Her radiant light also illuminated my journal as I wrote to work through my sorrows. Grandmother Moon was predictable…the only thing that was during that phase of my life. She never failed me, even when I felt I had failed myself.

I was asked what I wanted for my birthday. All I truly wanted was a thunder storm. My mother was worried I would be disappointed with my Easy Bake oven. I wasn’t worried in the least as I knew I would get exactly what I wanted.

The sky was filled with rain laden clouds the morning of my 11th birday. It seemed like I had to wait FOREVER to open my gifts. While I waited patiently (yes, I was patient even as a child…I had a wealth of patience and it wasn’t because I never used any!) I kept my eyes to the sky. Those clouds were growing darker as the chance of a thunderstorm teased my soul. Just after the last gift was opened (there weren’t many as we were pretty poor then) I noticed my surroundings filled with static. The sky opened up and one helacious storm broke, timing its arrival perfectly. The thunder shook the ground causing the sheep to stampede. The lightning was so majestic that its flashes lit everything in sight that dark afternoon. And that storm went on and on and on lasting until I had my fill. I was so elated I felt like celebrating and I Easy Baked everything that had come with my oven. That was the day I discovered my ability to influence the weather.

I began my endless writing as soon as I could scribe. (Actually I wrote before then…I knew what my scribbles meant at the age of one, even if no one else did.)I had to share a room with my sister (and later my mother) so I wrote outside, usually at night by the light of the moon. My personal trials, tribulations, and deepest thoughts were shared with Grandmother Moon, the canopy of the Milky Way, and nature. They could be trusted to be respectful, encouraging, and considerate.

In the mid 80’s  I was invited to join “The Hoop,” a women’s spiritual group that was being formed. Our first several years together was spent studing the lessons of the Dakota Sioux. Together we walked “The Red Road” taking us deep into our own native lands of spirituality. We discussed the importance of honest, integrity, and honor while walking the Beauty Path. Over 22 years, many of us still get together.

During a reading of the Native American Animal Totem cards, it was revealed that my animal totems were both the snake and the dolphin. (Snakes-yuk, dolphins-very cool.) My power animal on the sacred medicine wheel was the snake.  I met Snake one day while walking on Manchester Beach. One of the people I was with was both Native American and park ranger. He told me it was a rare snake and even rarer to find it on the beach. Obviously it had a message for me. I sat upon a rock meditating with one eye half open and focused on the location of that snake. I was at peace…grateful for the communication. I was informed that my horrific dreams of being bitten by a snake was due to giving away my power. Earlier dreams of Snake’s presence were ignored so it was necessary to bite me during dreamtime to get my attention. My fear of snakes disappeared and by the time the snake slithered away making squiggles in the sand, I was down on my belly just inches from its forked tongue.


[I noticed just after I took this picture that the sea was slanted…just like in my photographs of the Pacific ocean. See?]

Slanted Sea 

 I have always had an affinity with the dolphin, a most amazing and intelligent creature. (Hey, I watched Flipper you know. ..I saw how they interacted with humans!) I saw my first shark out in the ocean when several gathered around our boat far away from land. (Thank goodness “Jaws” wasn’t out yet.) Thinking back on it, I realize the danger and how frightened my parents were. But me, being me and only four years old or so, I thought it was pretty cool. “Look! There’s Flippers,” I said to my parents as I jumped up and down excitedly. “Lots and lots of Flippers!” Dad shook his head saying, “No, Honey, that’s not Flipper” as he got the rifle from the inside of the cabin.

A few years ago my husband, daughter, and I had the unique opportunity to swim with a dolphin at Sea World. His name was Buster and it was instant love between us. Buster was abandoned at birth, so the Sea World staff had to hold him, moving along surface for about 24 hours until he could swimon his own. The trainer said they took turns feeding him around the clock for several month.

Buster’s skin felt like a wet inner tube. I bent down and kissed him. He responded by making a fart noise through his blow hole then laughed in that way that dolphins laugh. The rest of my family played with him then he returned to the trainer standing next to me. When she turned her back, Buster placed his  snout under my boob repeatedly nudging it. “Did you say this guy was breast fed around the clock?” I joked.

Metamorphysis describes what I was going through around the time I made my power shield and I grew up around the monarch trees in Santa Cruz and Pacific Grove. After my father died, butterfly came into my life and my metamorphysis began again as I found out I was pregnant. I coocooned for months until my beautiful daughter emerged, changing my world forever.

Two years ago my friend brought me a gorgeous potted puple passion flower vine that spiraled around a four foot wire trellis. The leaves were dotted with catapellar eggs. We kept if in the house throughout the fall. Ror a month or so we watched teeny tiny green catapellars hatch and consume leaf after leaf growing. We watched the spinning of the coocoon (actually chrysillis) and the ‘big sleep.’ As the butterflies emerged, they were put into a shoebox atop sugar soaked paper towels. When the day was warm enough, the lids came off the shoebox and the butterflies warmed in the sun until they flew away.

It was the seal that puzzled me. Why a seal? Was it because Ihad a close encounter with a harbor seal? My mister was free diving for abalone. (It’s illegal to use scuba gear to get abalone in Northern California.) I was his safety diver and floated face down on the surface with my snorkel. When my mister went underwater, I took a huge breath and held it. He was swimming deep and all I was doing was floating. Surely when my breath gave out, he would be pop up out of the water. WRONG! I waited and waited and waited until I did my usual panicked “Oh, f—,  Oh, f—, Oh, f—!” I didn’t know what to do. There was no way I could free dive down 40 feet. What should do? I caught a movement out of the corner of my mask. Sliding right underneath me, belly up, is a harbor seal. I could have reached out and pulled his whiskers. “Oh, how cute. Hi guy. Thank you for being here!” Having been distracted by the seal, I was totally startled when my mister surfaced right next to me…with his limit of abalone!

Today I did not ponder the puzzle of the seal. Today I knew exactly why the seal was on my shield. It was to hold the sacred space until I would know the story “Seal Skin, Soul Skin” and remember to go home.

My seal skin has been stolen; I’ve given it away; I’ve lost it by wearing it half on, half off.  A book reminded me go home. Hestia’s Hearth is all about my journey. 

6 responses

  1. The energy that has risen out of the pages of WWRWW and led you to retrace footsteps and reclaim your seal skin is very potent. Knowing that the skin has been stolen is half the battle. Taking it back is a moment of sheer joy.

  2. Wonderful, what a journey – a new one beginning/continuing – what a pleasure it is to join you along the way.

  3. Now that was something I needed to read this morning. Your encounter with the seal is really something. Your writing about animal totems reminds me of my own and how I have lost touch with them.

  4. Sarah Joyce Bryant | Reply

    I find it amazing that creatively we know things before they even occur. You can look back at your shield and see the representation of things that were to come. It is just more proof that some part of us, regardless of how chaotic our brains may seem, knows of what is to come. Beautiful essay.

  5. Awesome. Whenever I see a pod of dolphins frolicking just beyond the surf, I know it will be a good karma day.

  6. what a wonderful Power Shield and your accompaning memories. Our totems keep reappearing in our lives whether we notice them or not. Much better to be aware.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: