Just Wait

The Message

They are the words that flow within my veins; the reminder again and again to lay low, hide, stay invisible, don’t get noticed. They are the words my dad spoke every time I made a new friend or accomplished something of great value. They were a reminder always a reminder:

Just wait till they find out who you really are…

He spoke cruelly quite often but these are the words that stuck to my skull only to be peeled away later and dispensed into my veins in the form of fear and shame. They are the words that have imprisoned me, kept me from moving forward, stuck to one place with no power to move.

Just wait till they find out who you really are…

I realized just recently that these words hold no truth. How can I be ashamed of who I really am when I don’t know who that is? I never got the chance to learn. I only knew myself through my parents’ eyes and that was hideous enough. I never looked any further.

Just wait till they find out who you really are…

I wrote these words and placed spaces between them, colorful spaces, alive spaces. They turned out to be just words. They have lost their power, their meaning, now that I have placed them atop their own little island – just plain, simple words. I can float around them now in my own sea of creation, free to remove my feet from the muck that has bound me to them, free to go wherever I want. Free.

Just wait till they find out who you really are…

No, you do not hold your power anymore because I have the strength to rewrite you now.

Just wait till I find out who I really am, dad.

I will be UNSTOPPABLE.

Sarah – This Dreamers Life

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11 responses

  1. Depending on how you choose to say these words now Sarah they can become that which propels you to being proud of who you really are. Having walked a similar path I now enjoy it when people are surprised to learn a little more about about who I am. But believe me, few people will ever know who I really am. If they knew, for example, that I am a raven and have power over many birds I might have to ‘kill them’. So some things are best worn as supportive undergarments.

    1. Heather speaks the truth, Sarah, about there being little-known surprising aspects of She. I thought of Heather just the other day as I floated naked in my sheltered pool amid leaves blown into my grotto on a light breeze when passed me floated a pink fluffy bit. Christ knows where that came from but it might be that Heather sent it with one of her ravens. You must ask her about it. *smile*

      1. You thought about me as you floated naked in a sheltered pool amid leaves blown into your grotto!!!!! Some might say you need to get a life Steph 🙂 Personally I am gobsmacked. It must indeed have been me in my raven form. And if you mention the pink fluffy bits life will be very different for you precious.

  2. Oh Sarah. Those words. Those familiar words. I stared at them at the top of a page for a while, remembering, before I continued on with the reading. We must be spiritual twins for we certainly have stumbled down the same life path with bruises knees and spirits both. Whenever I told my mother a friend asked me to come to her house my mother replied, “That’s because she doesn’t know you. When she does she won’t want you around. You just wait til she finds out the truth.”

    So charming. And so stunning to think of ever saying such things to another adult much less a child, no? We simply wouldn’t dare. It’s unconscionable.

    No one is currently spitting such nonsense on me, but I certainly have heard it enough to no longer ned a prompt. All compliments are tough for me to take to heart. Still some part of me thinks “they just don’t know the whole truth of Steph”. The damage is done.

    All work to heal from abuse intended to Silence is sacred work. I don’t mean to say your writing is only good for healing. It is good, Sarah, in and of itself, but it is sacred too. For most people to “fight the good fight” is to pit Goodness against the forces of Evil. To me – and I have never said this aloud before – “fighting the good fight” is pitting the power of Words against the shackles of Silence. It’s a damn good fight we’re putting up, you and I.

  3. “Wait until they find out who you really are.” I’ve been trying to show my family who I really am. It astounds them, makes them angry, and prompts some of them to wipe their feet on me. “Quit picking fights.” “Oh, yes, we all know how you aren’t keeping quiet anymore. You’re a bitch and no one really wants to talk to you.”

    In my case “wait until they find out who you really are” has been extremely threatening and another excuse for abuse.

    1. I can feel the pain. You know! Sometimes I have decided that when I have a success all I am doing is giving some people another reason to hate. It seems to Gaul them and I can see them visibly shrink back and stun me with their silence. I don’t understand because I am delighted by all success. I guess I have to accept that I am wired differently and only mix with like minded. And I have succeeded in finding the like minded. Just check out who lives here at Soul Food if you have any doubt 🙂

  4. I know from experience that parents often do untold damage to a child. Damage that can and does stay with you for life. I am an octogenarian so I know of what I speak. When I see parents belittling their kids…telling them that they are stup, that they wish they had never been born, yes, that too, I cringe because I know…I know.

    Vi

  5. it may take years and years before we find out who we really are, and then we don’t care what others think because we know our own value. But perhaps we appreciate what we find even more after all the waiting and wondering…

  6. We have experienced very similar early paths it seems, as have quite a few here i think. When I read the words before their history for you – it actually felt like a positive statement, even a challenge, certainly of strength – perhaps you flame shines brighter than you imagine
    So happy to be on the road with you 🙂

  7. Yes! You are unstoppable! Never forget it!

  8. what a terrific statement of empowerment! EXCELLENT!

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