I watched a video on how to do art journaling. The exictement was overwhelming and I could not wait to get started. The pages took on a life of their own. It seemed I was just a willing vessel for the art journal to take physical form. I didn’t intend to do two pages but together the spread reminded me of my life, my growth into womanhood from childhood.
The woman looks back at her life as a child. The inner child looks at the woman she has become. Both woman and child are amazed at what they see. They share so much of one another. The child was strong and intuitive, sure of herself even though few truly understood her gifts. She awoke each morning wondering why she was in trouble. She wouldn’t understand until she grew into womanhood.
As a woman, she felt unworthy and completely misunderstood. Her goodness was seen by some, not believed by others. How could anyone possibly believe she could be intentionally hurtful? She took the blame for things that happened to save those responsible from the fallout of anger. She put out great efforts for others when they made no effort for her. Her mantra was always to do the right thing for others, but not herself. Eventually everything changed.
During a meditation, she saw her inner child walking towards her. The little one exuded love and light but was surrounded by sadness and heaviness. She climbed into the woman’s lap and snuggled, thumb in mouth, then began to cry. The woman, too, cried as she held herself, comforted herself, forgave herself. She grieved for the little one’s pains and sadness. She felt that she had failed herself by not acknowledging the child. The child felt unsupported by the woman. Before long, both the woman and the child were all cried out. They felt cocooned in warmth and the love they held for one another. Finally the woman understood the child’s feeling of being in trouble. It was that she had gifts, some didn’t understand or believe her, and her gifts had no guidance. She somehow felt that by knowing something before it happened was what made things happen.
“I love you so much, little one. You are an amazing being that has been invisible to so many. But worst of all, you have remained invisible to me. I am so sorry!”
“I love you, too, Woman. You have grown into an amazing person with a huge heart and so much to offer. I am so sorry that I disappeared when you needed me most causing you to forgot all that you were as a child.” They held each other tightly in an embrace of mutual love until the child skipped off. Before disappearing, she blew a kiss to the woman and called, “I love you for everything you are today!” The woman responded, “I love you for everything you were yesterday! Together we will love this woman who is now whole and we will love her fiercely tomorrow and forever more!”